I wanted to record my memories on Kayla's birth. It was both nothing like I expected, but yet everything I imagined. I would not change a thing about it. I want to include all the details, so feel free to skip reading this if you are of the faint of heart, or can't stand all the detail!!
Sunday, August 12th
As we were getting ready for bed, I said (jokingly) to David- "Oh - I just had another contraction (I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for about a week now, but they were painless), and that one kinda hurt! Maybe I'm in labor?!!"
Monday, August 13th
3:00am - I woke up with a mildly painful contraction... then went back to sleep. But woke up just a few minutes later with another one... and then went back to sleep... and then woke up with another one. In the midst of my sleepiness, I thought they were about 5 minutes apart, so I figured I better actually time them to see if this was for real or not. So I went down on the couch, got a timer and a piece of paper, and began timing. They were about 5-6 minutes apart, and were lasting for about 45 seconds to 1 minutes. They weren't painful, more annoying, and I was able to fall asleep between them. I figured I should probably eat and drink a little bit, since I knew that I needed to have all of my energy for the day ahead of me. So, I made 2 pieces of toast and butter and had a glass of juice. I decided not to wake David up yet. There was no point, since it wasn't time to go to the hospital yet, I figured he would need the sleep!! So, I slept and timed my contractions on the couch. I thought I would be nervous when this time came, but instead I was in the moment. So thrilled that I was actually in labor, and didn't have to worry about needing to be induced anymore. I was so concerned that my body was not ever going to start labor, and I would need to be induced!! Also, I was nervous that maybe this wasn't real labor, since I've never been through it before!
At 6am, I decided I better wake David up. They were closer to 4 minutes apart, and lasting for 1 minute. My goal was to labor as much at home as possible, both to avoid a long day at the hospital of being monitored and of being uncomfortable, and also because it was my goal to do this drug-free. I'd done a lot of research, and felt that it would be in my and my baby's best interest to try to go with drugs. While the risks are minimal, I'd hate to be that statistic where something went wrong. Besides, if I could manage on my own, why take the drugs? At the same time, I was completely open to the idea of an epidural. If I were to have a long labor, or it the pain was too intense, I knew I would be ok getting medications to make it better. Anyway, when I woke up David, I said, "Guess what sweetie, I think we'd going to have a baby today!!" He was a little groggy, but excited. He put his arm around me, and I laid my head on his chest. We talked about how that would be the last time we were going to be in the house without a child... how excited I was to be done with being pregnant (don't get me wrong, I LOVED being pregnant... but there is a reason it's only 40 weeks long, and I was 5 days overdue!!). He asked me to describe what it felt like... at this point, the pain was starting to pick up. It is like a pain you can't describe. It was a painful tightening of my entire stomach and back. Like someone was squeezing it really hard. At the same time, there were times of shooting pains, where it felt like I was being stabbed (um, for 45 seconds!). I was starting to need distraction techniques to handle the pain, so he was asking me to try to picture our baby - one contraction picture a girl, the next a boy... and he had a bunch of other ideas too! What a great labor coach!! Soon, we went downstairs, and I asked him to time them for me so I wasn't looking at the clock to anticipate them. We were getting them about 3 minutes apart. I decided to call my parents, before my dad headed to work. They were not sure what they were going to do. Their original plan was to drive out on Saturday the 18th, but they were hoping the baby would wait a little longer than Monday to come out. So, I wanted to give them as much time to make a decision, if they wanted to come out. They were thrilled, and confused about what to do... they started looking at plane tickets, and a little later after no luck, had decided they would drive it... eventually, they found flights and were able to use some buddy-tickets my dad had been given and could fly stand-by to Detroit, and drive to GR from there. More on that later!
At about 8, I decided it was time to call my doctor. I knew already that my OB, Dr. Johnson was off that day, so she would be not delivering my baby. I was disappointed with that, but as it turns out, God had a better plan. I talked to the Dr on call, Dr. Workema. I told him that my contractions were about 3 minutes apart, and were lasting a minute, and had been that way for over an hour. He suggested that I come to the hospital and get evaluated. I told him that I wanted to labor at home as long as possible, and wanted to know if he thought I could stay at home a little longer. He agreed, but said if they stayed that close or closer for an hour, that I needed to come in. With no signs of them slowing down, we started to get packed up and ready to go. I had packed my labor bag (on my due date!!), but David packed his own bag, and loaded the car with our bags, pillows, and a birthing ball.
Driving to the hospital was a bit surreal. I had tried to picture in my head what it would feel like, to know that I was going to deliver my baby soon, but I was really unable to picture it. The drive was ok, but the contractions were really starting to hurt, and were coming so frequently. I told David that I was hoping to be about 4-5 cm dialated... that would mean I was in active labor, and I felt that I would be able to handle what was ahead. We drove up to the ER, and I was put in a wheel chair and waited for David to park, and someone from triage to pick me up. We waited probably about 10 minutes before someone came. Again, the feeling of being in labor was surreal... hard to believe this time has come. And also, I was so nervous that they were going to tell me that this wasn't true labor at all, and send me home!!
I was admitted to triage at 9:35am. They hooked me up to the monitors, one for the baby's heart and one for my contractions. At that time, they measured my contractions at 4 minutes apart. However, to my dismay, I was only 1 cm dilated! I was less than thrilled. However, I was encouraged that they were going to keep me in the hospital. I was almost 100% effaced, which was up from 50% at my last apt, and since I was overdue, they didn't want me to go home. The baby had also dropped from -3 to -2, so there was progress there as well. And the nurse assured me that dilation would probably go quickly now. So, after two trips to the bathroom and 30 minutes of monitoring, David went to the car to get our bags, and then we went to the Labor and Delivery Room, arriving there at 10:56am.
This is me in triage:
I will say, at this point, I was in some serious pain. When I got to this room, they hooked me up to the monitors again. I really wanted to get in the Jacuzzi tub, I was in pain, and wanted relief. I had read that the warm water calmed and jets soothed, and the L&D nurse said it often sped up dilation - great! After being on the monitors for forever (probably 30 minutes), I was allowed to hit the tub! To my dismay, it was not comfortable at all. The jets weren't hitting me in the right places, and I couldn't get comfortable between contractions. I had a towel that I made into a pillow, and was trying to get comfortable... but when those contractions hit it was like a rip-tide. I had shooting pains in my stomach and my lower back, I was writhing in pain. On a 1-10 scale of pain, I was probably at a 7. I was hoping and praying that this was helping dilate me, because I could not imagine having to do this for much longer. After about an hour in the tub, I went back to the bed, and was monitored again. Then Dr. W came in about 1pm, and checked me again. I was hoping to be like 7 cm at least... nearing transition. The pain could not possibly last too much longer; I must be nearing the end. Needless to say, when he said I was only 3 cm, I was less than thrilled. At the time, my water broke, and there was meconium in it. This meant several things - first off, there would be no more whirlpool tub for me (which was sad, although it didn't bring much relief, so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal), and also, that the baby might need to be suctioned extra, to make sure that the baby didn't intake any of the bowels. I saw my water breaking as a good sign - hopefully my body would kick into gear and quickly dilate. So, after being monitored a bit more, I was trying new positions - on the birthing ball (which lasted all of 3 seconds of a contraction, and then it hurt so bad that I couldn't get off fast enough), standing, leaning on the bed, trying to walk around. But none of those were relieving any of the pain, so I ended back up on the bed.
By 3pm my pain level was at a 9 or 10. I was trying to survive. Each contraction took all of my focus, and I was moaning and writhing in pain. I could not imagine anything more painful. Labor is difficult to describe - what they say is true, when you see your baby, you have instant amnesia about the pain. Even hours after I could not describe how intense the pain was; but let me say that it was the most intense pain I could ever imagine, and then some. When the doctor checked me at 3:23, I was only 4-5 cm dilated. I wanted this to be over. I kept saying to David that I couldn't handle much more of this. At this point, I decided to take some medication to relieve the pain. My pain level was at a 10, and if there was an out, I wanted it... NOW! I had really wanted to do this without drug intervention, however, the pain was overwhelming, and at that point, for me the benefits of medication out-weighed the risks. So, someone explained to me that I could take Staydol, or get an epidural. I must have been in the middle of a contraction because I really wasn't listening to what the drugs did. I opted for Staydol... maybe this would relieve some of my pain, and I would not need an epidural. So, I got an IV, and got my Staydol. This brought on the most bizarre situation in the world. What I guess they explained to me, but I did not hear, is that Staydol helps relax the mom, but does nothing for the pain. So, in-between contractions, I was basically taking a nap. I was so relaxed that I couldn't keep my eyes open. But then those darn contractions kept coming, and I was dealing with intense pain again. It did lower my pain level, maybe to an 8. I could at least bear them again... this on-again off-again thing went on for about an hour.
This is me inbetween contractions with the Staydol:
They came back to check me at 4:20, and I was still just 4-5 cm dilated. I asked my nurse what my pain options were. She said I could get more Staydol, or I could get an epidural. She suggested that if I was at all interested in the epidural, I might as well get it now. Why try to cope with the pain any more if I was just going to get an epidural later down the line. That seemed like excellent logic to me, so I said GET ME THE DRUGS! I am done with this! Since I had not made any progress in the past hour, I knew that I had a long road ahead of me. I didn't think I could handle any more hours of this pain, and knowing that it might increase and come closer together was an unbearable thought. So, they called the anesthesiologist, and I waited. Turns out, he was called into an emergency c-section, so I would need to wait. I think they gave me another dose of Staydol... I don't remember. All I could think about was having this pain end soon. They came to administer it around 5. I was beyond relieved to know that it wasn't going to hurt anymore. There were 2 people that came - the main anesthesiologist, and a nurse. The nurse had me sit up, curl my back and lean all of my weight on her. David was allowed to watch this all, so long as he was sitting down so he didn't pass out! The main Dr. prepped the area, and after my next contraction came, put the epidural in. I wanted immediate relief, which I did not get. But over the next several contractions, the pain slowly went away. By say 5:30, I wasn't feeling much, except pain in my back. We had to work on this for while, but eventually we got that to go away too. Dr.W came back at 5:41 to check me, and I had dilated to 5-6 cm. So we were making progress. All of the sudden, I realized, "Hey - I'm going to have a baby today!" I had been so worked up in the pain that the ultimate goal was completely lost. I was in survival mode, and was completely focused on managing the pain... not at all looking forward to the birth of my child. Once the pain was gone, utter joy rushed in. Of course, joy that the pain was gone, but more a joy that I was going to have a baby at the end of this! Months, years of anticipation, and we were going to meet our child soon! I was thrilled. I was giddy almost.
Post epidural:
When the Doctor did this last check, we found out why I was having such intense back pains: the baby's head was face up, and therefore I was experiencing back labor. It made perfect sense now, and my goodness, I don't wish back labor on anyone. In light of this new information, we were going to do "labor gymnastics" in an effort to turn the baby to be face down. I was to lay on one side, with my other leg up a foot, strapped into the stirrup, for 30 minutes. Then switch sides for 30 minutes. I (finally) let David out of the room to get dinner... I listened to some quiet music and almost fell asleep. During that time, the baby did turn around, so that was good news.
At 7 pm I was dilated 6-7cm, so labor was continuing to progress. I kept asking the doctor and nurse if this baby would be born on the 13th, or if they thought it would last until the 14th. They were fairly confident that I would have this baby in the next few hours, so the 13th for sure! But when they checked me at 8:15, I was only dilated to 7 cm, so that wasn't much progress. They decided to start me on Pitocin. When I was checked the next time at 9:41, I was 8-9cm, so again, things were going as hoped, and they were confident that the baby would be born on the 13th. I was almost dilated all the way!! At this time, I was still feeling pretty good (the epidural was working fabulously), however, my body knew something major was happening. I was starting to feel intensity (not pain really), and ended up getting pretty sick (I threw up about 4 times... David said that was the worst thing he'd seen all day, which, considering, is pretty amusing).
Soon after that, probably about 10pm, my parents arrived at the hospital. They had made it flying stand-by from Boston to Detroit, and rented a car and driven to Grand Rapids. They came in the room, and we were able to talk and see each other for awhile. They were so excited that they had made it here before the baby was born. My mom had really wanted to see me 9 months pregnant, and she barely got her chance!! At 11:07 the doctor came in to check me again, and I was at 9 cm. They were no longer saying the baby would be born on the 13th!! In addition, I had a fever, so they decided to give me some antibiotics just in case.
At 11:55 I was 10 cm dilated (finally), and they said that we would try pushing at this point. My parents headed out to the waiting room, and they prepped the bed, utensils, etc for delivery. At midnight I started pushing. I have to say that my anesthesiologist was fantastic. I had the best possible epidural. I had control and feeling in my legs, and control and feeling in, well, down there. I wasn't exactly feeling pain, not the pain of the contractions anyway, just the pain of a baby's head being pushed through something not that large! I could feel my contractions coming on, and was able to push during them. Since I was medicated, they weren't sure if I would feel the urge to push, but I did, I knew when I needed to push. I got the hang of it quickly and they said I was a very efficient pusher! The room was dark, except the large spotlight on my crotch (seriously, enormous spotlight that opens from a compartment in the ceiling! nice). The doctor was there for a few minutes, stretching me and showing me how to push, and then it was just the nurse and David. Each had a leg during contractions, and David also helped pull my head forward. They were both so encouraging... letting me know what a great job I was doing, and how much progress I was making. Them saying "push just a little harder" was so encouraging to me, made me feel like if I pushed a little harder that baby would come out faster (yeah - obviously that's the point, but for me it really was motivating and worked!!). Anyway, they put a mirror so I could see the progress... they were both so excited. I won't lie, it was excited to see the head - a full head of hair too! But when I just saw a small sliver of the head, I was less than thrilled - they lied! I was not close!! However, I suppose experience is worth more than what I saw, because it wasn't long until the doctor came back, and I was pushing the head out. I didn't realize how much work it would be to push a baby out. I know that sounds funny, I guess I thought a few pushes... but I pushed hard, and was quite exhausted by the end. At last, the head came out... they told me to stop, suctioned quickly, and had me push again. I think it took 1.5 pushes to get the rest of the baby out. They placed this small, squirmy baby on my lap - and the joy I experienced is hard to put into words. I was filled with a love and a devotion to this child. I don't even remember saying anything, just sighing, and “aw”… but the emotion in my “voice” was there. The nurse said, "Dad, you have a baby....", and let him fill in the "girl". As this was happening, I was trying to figure it out as well. The umbilical cord was down the middle, and looked like "extra parts", so I assumed it was a boy! When David said girl I was thrilled! I hadn't cared either way, if it was a boy or a girl, but I was overjoyed to have a daughter.
I got to hold her for maybe 20 seconds, and they took her away to be weighed, and get her Apgar scores and all. She weighed in at 8 lbs, 5 oz. However, her 1 min Apgar was 6, so they kept her on the table to be worked on. I was anxious to have her back. However, as it turns out, I didn't get her back for about an hour. She refused to cry (hard to believe now!!). She would just whimper. Her Apgar at 5 minutes was only an 8. She had "junk" in her lungs, and then were doing their best to get it out. They were pounding (that's how it seemed to me) on her back, trying to get it out, and suctioning her nose and mouth, still nothing. Before I knew it, there were 2 neo-natal nurses, an intern, someone else, and her original nurse all working on her... I wanted her back in my arms SO bad, it was hard to take. I made David stand over there, and touch her, talk to her. I knew she would recognize his voice, and I didn't want her to feel alone or deserted. They were "torturing her", trying to make her anger so she would cry, and she would just put up with it, whimper... it was hard to take. David was starting with one hard on her, and one hand on me, as I was being stitched back up. I had a 2nd degree tear, and, apparently, there was a part that would not clot, so I was squirting out blood. It took about an hour for my repairs to be done. I should also mention that they “massage” your uterus, from the outside, and also from the inside…. Really, why they call it a massage is beyond me. It hurt bloody murder. Almost as much as the contractions (and there was no epidural to save me from them).
After what seemed like a lifetime, she was given back to me. We decided that indeed, we would go with Kayla Rose as her name (although up until delivery we were planning on it being Kaela). We wouldn't tell the nurses, though. We wanted my parents to be the first to hear. Shortly after I got her back, I tried to nurse her. She sort of latches on, suckle for a minute or so. There was no issue with bonding. I was in love. I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and squeeze her! David was overjoyed as well, and was so cute with her. Soon, my parents came in. I asked if they wanted to meet their granddaughter, and both of their reaction was precious. They both held her and kissed her. Neither wanted to let go of her (nor did David and I for that matter!). It was such a joy to be able to share that with them. While they were holding her, David and I made calls to his mom, dad and sister.... they were all just thrilled for us!!
The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I got to eat, finally, and David and I shared holding our bay girl! I got to shower, which wasn't as great as I expected. It was nice to get clean, but I got cold sitting down. And, when I stood up I almost passed out! David got to help with her first bath, and around 5 we made our way to the recovery room. I was wheeled there, holding Kayla, and felt so proud. And so sore!! But I was overjoyed with the reality that I was a mother, and I was holding MY baby!
When we got to the recovery room, I immediately went into the bathroom, and when I came out, there was this beautifully wrappd box on my nightstand. My first thought was that it was a gift from the hospital! But it was not... David had me open the box, and it was a beautiful necklace - a silver heart, reminiscent of the "heart theme" we had at our wedding, with the August birthstone in it. This was a gift for me, for carrying and birthing Kayla! What a sweetheart he is! :) And what a beautiful piece of jewelry.
By this time, it was almost morning, and we tired to doze off, but every few minutes someone was coming to the door (to take my temp, blood pressure, check out Kayla, "massage" my belly, make sure we didn't need anything, etc.), and also trying to feed Kayla frequently, that sleep was not really an option. Oh well! At that time, we were practically too excited to sleep anyway!!
Overall, I am completely satisfied with Kayla's birth. It was not like I expected. However, it was a wonderful experience, and I would not change it for the world.
